As a psychologist, I realize that change requires motivation, clarity of vision, and determination. And then we get to the details.
- Do you want to be free?
no really, how badly do you want it? You will read tips but they won’t work unless your intent is clear and your determination strong. If you have any doubt, consult the movie, or better yet, consult your own insides. Ask yourself what you have learned from your mother’s sacrifices. If you want to be free, read on.While I spend much energy resisting Vita’s many requests, I admire her relentless persistence. So I asked her to give me a lesson. “How do you do it, Vita? How do you just keep going?” And she very generously replied: “It’s easy Mommy; what do you really want?” I told her. She said “Now ask for it.” Right.
- Know what you want.
But isn’t the first problem that we’ve forgotten what in the heck we want? It would be easy to figure it out if you weren’t getting interrupted every minute. If you’re like I was, you might have given up hope that you could recover that sense of yourself. Don’t give up. Remember that your children learn from your life, not your words. What will they learn if they experience your defeat? So, go for your walk, bath, class; just get away for a bit so you can remember.
- But I don’t have the time.
True. You will have to fail at something. Take pride in failure. Take pride in choosing to fail at the least important thing. Time management is about clarity of choices. Can you fail to help with a class project (and let them work it out) so that you can succeed in resting?
- What about the kids?
Your children will demand infinite attention. It is their job. It is your job to defend your territory and let them experience the joy of failing to conquer you. That is how they learn that life is about more than their point of view.
- Get Support.
Let’s start saying aloud what we privately feel. Let’s encourage each other to do what it takes to get what we need. If any of you have tried being ‘selfish,’ you know that it is not easy to spit in the face of today’s ideal mother image. We need each other, even if we don’t need the same things out of life. For more help from me, check out the UnMartyred Tiny Manifesto (who has time for a tome?), which can be ordered with the movie on the Martyred Moms website. Or, serve yourself up a Crack Your Shackles! Workshop in your community.