Why Crack Your Shackles?

Let’s presume that we are all deeply and inextricably interconnected.   Ok, then what is sacrifice?   If I give to you, I receive in equal measure.  So what are we giving when we are not meeting our own needs?

I love BlueMilk‘s questions (see the last comment on the 1st attachment post) which can be applied to any mother, not just one who identifies as an Attachment Parent. And I add: if we are so tired so brain dead from not sleeping not hearing adult conversation so involved in the success and failure of our child so confused so depressed maybe so limited—what are we giving? How can our children not drink our poison?

And, if that is our condition, how do we adapt to it? When we’re suffering, we begin to value the suffering. It takes on a heroic tone, and it’s pretty hard not to think everyone should be doing it too. I first saw the results of forced altruism when I was teaching medical residents. They take such pride in suffering that it is almost impossible for them to have empathy for their sick patients.

But who in their right mind would admit, even to themselves, that they are suffering if all they hear is that motherhood is bliss? Thankfully, miraculously, people are now starting to talk about how to support mothers so they don’t have to obliterate themselves.

I must be absolutely clear about one thing. I love my daughter more than I can possibly put into words. My film is made for her and dedicated to her. Freeing myself from martyrdom has released me to enjoy her for who she is. If I weren’t trying to give her a good life, I wouldn’t be doing this.

UnMartyred Family


3 thoughts on “Why Crack Your Shackles?

  1. That’s a rough question. There seems to be a lot about AP that seems contrary to feminism. As for me, surprisingly, my pregnancy experience made me adopt more feminist views. Despite this, we still wanted to do attachment parenting, but once the baby came, we found out that she didn’t read Dr. Sears. I don’t think there is a one for all answer.

  2. I think this raises such important issues – and questions. It’s frustrating – and the expectations piled upon us as mothers from all the baby books, and other mums. Attachment parenting is lovely in theory – but the reality is that there is alot of pressure on mothers to give up so much of themselves to do it. The martyr syndrome is really interesting – and I see women around me trying to do it all – staying up late to make organic purees, cleaning, childcare, working, etc. And the guilt if you don’t homecook your baby organic puree’s and feed them out of a jar is madness!

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